To Me, Fair Friend, You Never Can Be Old

[Knot]

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Hi Joshua,

like the ambition, but it seems rather overwritten.

For instance, lines 3-4 (in the first verse of both parts) are an interruption that detracts rather than adds.

Just a few points (given it's in basic)

I must ask of you, my darling,

Only once, but frankly so,

Searing, single, fearing question.––

Moments come, and moments go.

Though I know your love is truthful,

- either 'love' or 'truthful' is misused here.

Even truest love grows cold.

- 'truest/cold/ doesn't really work.

Grandest passions/Youthful fires may grow cold.

Therefore I must need petition.

- I thought 'needs' worked.  Though it might be better swapping 'need' for 'you'

Will you love me still when I am old?

- Will you love me though I grow old?

Down the stream of life together,

- 'stream' doesn't really work, I think, it begs the question why not 'river'?

Joyously sailing side by side,

- we sail, joyous, side by side

Hoping on that bright day to anchor

- hoping that one day we'll anchor

Safe beyond the surging tide.

- surging' seems weak, given the context.

I not sure if the next two verses add much, they feel rather like repetition than development.

...

I will claim of you your promise

- by the time I get here, I'm wondering why it isn't 'thee' instead of 'you'
Worth to me a world of gold.

- how is it 'worth' that? By which I mean, what is the value of 'gold' in this context?

O sweet love, my ancient answer

- I think you could swap the order of 'ancient' and 'answer'
Changeless from my virgin spoken word,

- 'spoken' seems awkward.
Surely furnished from heaven’s throne,
Surely relays, you are succored.

Love, dear dove, can never wane

- so, contradicting the speaker of S2/L2? Fair enough. But where's this speakers evidence?

(It seems to come in the fourth verse of this section, but why doesn't it follow directly?)

The love/dove rhyme is not well done, I think.
This eternal flame has just
Begun warming your precious soul.–
Though all rusts and turns to dust,

- too much going on here, 'dove/wane/flame/warming/rusts/dust'


And I'm puzzled by 'friend' in the title.


Best, Knot

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