09-26-2020, 01:44 AM
Hi Duke, nice concept here. First stanza is the best for me and sets the poem up nicely. Not too sure about the use of 'yesternight' although the archaic language fits in with the title. Second stanza seems a tad clumsy and doesn't flow as well as the first, also there may be an issue with tenses, the first line of the 1st stanza is in past tense and the first line of the 2nd stanza is in present tense. The last line was a bit of a shock, it seems like you just gave up on the idea.
Overall I like it, the idea of hearing melodies in machinery and creating music in your head. The play on words with the title works well although I was expecting something different. I was hoping the last stanza was going to reconnect with the title in some way, perhaps it's worth a thought, something like possibly hearing the same melody that was heard back in the highland clearances.
Just a few thoughts, it's my first critique for a couple of years so I'm a bit out of practice.
Cheers for the read,
Mark
ps - I live in the highlands
pps - When I hear the bagpipes I reach for my pistol
Overall I like it, the idea of hearing melodies in machinery and creating music in your head. The play on words with the title works well although I was expecting something different. I was hoping the last stanza was going to reconnect with the title in some way, perhaps it's worth a thought, something like possibly hearing the same melody that was heard back in the highland clearances.
Just a few thoughts, it's my first critique for a couple of years so I'm a bit out of practice.
Cheers for the read,
Mark
ps - I live in the highlands
pps - When I hear the bagpipes I reach for my pistol
wae aye man ye radgie