09-26-2020, 08:44 AM
Hi - and yes, worth working on for sure!
I'm struggling to put the stress on the final syllable of 'translated' sorry
but I like the conceit of the poem, the music formed from stimulus and memory at the edge of sleep. Maybe the 'yesternight' feels a bit out of place with 21st century blowers, but the contrast is strong.
And also, after three rhyming stanzas, I'm looking for the sonnet's final lines.
First critique for ages, sorry if I've forgotten how.
I'm struggling to put the stress on the final syllable of 'translated' sorry
but I like the conceit of the poem, the music formed from stimulus and memory at the edge of sleep. Maybe the 'yesternight' feels a bit out of place with 21st century blowers, but the contrast is strong.And also, after three rhyming stanzas, I'm looking for the sonnet's final lines.
First critique for ages, sorry if I've forgotten how.
Actually, it’s only really poëtry if it comes from the Poët region of France. Otherwise, it’s just sparkling whine. -- Traditional