Please, stay away.

[MelaniaStarHans]

Hi Melania,

Posssibly have your title do more work for you:

Drawbridge as a title would allow you to start with "I can lure..."

My mind

is

a drawbridge.

I--Not a personal fan of these extremely short one word lines. It's a subjective choice. I think the lines work better with at least a subject and verb "I lure" would be better for me than "I"

can lure people--Don't know if you need the "can"

in--Prepositions are almost always incapable of holding down a line. You could do some rearrangement "in people"

and give

them

the promise

to pass,

but I

always put up

a wall

when

they get

too close.

It's a nice conceit. I think it would be stronger if you tightened it up and chopped unneeded words.

Just thoughts.

Best,

Todd

Thank you for your feedback!