04-25-2021, 08:54 AM
Hi Wj,
This is my first read of this. I like it very much, but have one hesitation: the line about "This is the third day of my fast." Everything else in the poem is so surreal that this line seems out of place.
I repeat: I really like it, whether that line stays or goes. I don't have strong feelings about the final comma. Not sure it does what you want though.
This is my first read of this. I like it very much, but have one hesitation: the line about "This is the third day of my fast." Everything else in the poem is so surreal that this line seems out of place.
I repeat: I really like it, whether that line stays or goes. I don't have strong feelings about the final comma. Not sure it does what you want though.