Hey Bunx-
In MISC I ususally only comment on content, yet I will point out that there is some odd grammar with easy fixes:
Psy-Coma
Startled woke, the state I'm in.
From a dream, a reminder. not sure that "from" is a verb
That mind, experience, and illusion
can be synonymous.
These days, a dull scape.
Wandering nightly
in subconscious scenes,
I usually forget.
Though when I arose tonight maybe leave off "though when"
from being kissed and felt, not sure you need this comma since yer breaking the line here
by invisible voids representing
the first dream I can recall
since my last nightmare. peculiar sentence structure, but I get it
Control is lost in these spaces.
Dreams, the only safe place
I can be insane without consequences. cool stanza, this one
Nightmares, in my case. why the period?
all have the same theme.
A familiar perspective
of distant madness. not sure this is a sentence
Losing the reins, Ya trying to comma me to death, or what?
on a carriage
driven by adrenaline.
I'd rather forget my dreams.HA! I almost never remember mine within 30 seconds of waking up.
Awoke, the fate I'm living
is far from lucidity.
Solidified, a relationship with my mind. not sure if this is a sentence either
Empathy, trust, grace is given.
Move on from this nightmare I must.
One can not tumble, move forward,
at all costs.
[/quote]
C- on grammar, and that's enough of playing English teacher from me. (Pretty dang smug of me ain't it?)
I usually sleep through dreams, but sometimes remember the recurring ones I have about flying. I usually fly low to the ground, but never hit, sort of like falling with style (eg Buzz Lightyear). The nightmares I wake up from startled, because I'm usually falling (car over cliff, off of a building) and just about to hit the ground. The "falling up" (flying) and "falling down" (crashing) themes are fairly regular, of what I remember.
Is a theme of your nightmare really "losing the reins on a carriage" or is that just a metaphor?
I love the line, "I can be insane without consequences" and "Move on from this nightmare I must." Reminds me of a saying I have: "No need to drive me crazy, because I can just walk from here."
Overall, I can relate to this piece, as admitting to being a little bit crazy is admitting to being a lot more human.
Thanks Bunx,
Mark
In MISC I ususally only comment on content, yet I will point out that there is some odd grammar with easy fixes:
Psy-Coma
Startled woke, the state I'm in.
From a dream, a reminder. not sure that "from" is a verb
That mind, experience, and illusion
can be synonymous.
These days, a dull scape.
Wandering nightly
in subconscious scenes,
I usually forget.
Though when I arose tonight maybe leave off "though when"
from being kissed and felt, not sure you need this comma since yer breaking the line here
by invisible voids representing
the first dream I can recall
since my last nightmare. peculiar sentence structure, but I get it
Control is lost in these spaces.
Dreams, the only safe place
I can be insane without consequences. cool stanza, this one
Nightmares, in my case. why the period?
all have the same theme.
A familiar perspective
of distant madness. not sure this is a sentence
Losing the reins, Ya trying to comma me to death, or what?
on a carriage
driven by adrenaline.
I'd rather forget my dreams.HA! I almost never remember mine within 30 seconds of waking up.
Awoke, the fate I'm living
is far from lucidity.
Solidified, a relationship with my mind. not sure if this is a sentence either
Empathy, trust, grace is given.
Move on from this nightmare I must.
One can not tumble, move forward,
at all costs.
[/quote]
C- on grammar, and that's enough of playing English teacher from me. (Pretty dang smug of me ain't it?)
I usually sleep through dreams, but sometimes remember the recurring ones I have about flying. I usually fly low to the ground, but never hit, sort of like falling with style (eg Buzz Lightyear). The nightmares I wake up from startled, because I'm usually falling (car over cliff, off of a building) and just about to hit the ground. The "falling up" (flying) and "falling down" (crashing) themes are fairly regular, of what I remember.
Is a theme of your nightmare really "losing the reins on a carriage" or is that just a metaphor?
I love the line, "I can be insane without consequences" and "Move on from this nightmare I must." Reminds me of a saying I have: "No need to drive me crazy, because I can just walk from here."
Overall, I can relate to this piece, as admitting to being a little bit crazy is admitting to being a lot more human.
Thanks Bunx,
Mark