09-20-2021, 04:34 AM
Now that you point out that this form invites the reader to read around the edges, I think I'm going to lean more into that in my next draft but I'm also going to keep it so you can still read the line across the page. Maybe that could solve the issue of feeling obligated to jump across the page to finish a line while giving the poem more depth? And I think it has the possibility of sharpening the philosophy behind the poem, especially once the reader arrives at the ending.
I understand what you mean about the ending, in some ways I prefer it too but I wonder if it's because it's the version I got to know first? Like if a fresh pair of eyes were to read it, would the "unification" of both sides in this draft be enough to compensate for that feeling of freedom that the spacing in the original draft gave?
Do you think the tree/mushroom cloud images still exists in this draft? If it does than that's a plus. I just thought that the blank space in the center is a much more accurate replication of the Mandelbrot set.
I understand what you mean about the ending, in some ways I prefer it too but I wonder if it's because it's the version I got to know first? Like if a fresh pair of eyes were to read it, would the "unification" of both sides in this draft be enough to compensate for that feeling of freedom that the spacing in the original draft gave?
Do you think the tree/mushroom cloud images still exists in this draft? If it does than that's a plus. I just thought that the blank space in the center is a much more accurate replication of the Mandelbrot set.