09-20-2021, 10:19 AM
(09-20-2021, 04:34 AM)alexorande Wrote: Now that you point out that this form invites the reader to read around the edges, I think I'm going to lean more into that in my next draft but I'm also going to keep it so you can still read the line across the page.
I was hoping you might go in that direction.
And I think it has the possibility of sharpening the philosophy behind the poem, especially once the reader arrives at the ending.
The philosophy being?
I understand what you mean about the ending, in some ways I prefer it too but I wonder if it's because it's the version I got to know first? Like if a fresh pair of eyes were to read it, would the "unification" of both sides in this draft be enough to compensate for that feeling of freedom that the spacing in the original draft gave?
Hadn't thought in terms of unification. Wait for some new eyes.
Do you think the tree/mushroom cloud images still exists in this draft? If it does than that's a plus. I just thought that the blank space in the center is a much more accurate replication of the Mandelbrot set.
The tree, not so much the cloud. I had to look up Mandelbrot set. Not much the wiser, but I see the parallel.