The Flying Kite Syndrome

[Semicircle]

A person will have in their possession

the most amazing opportunity   amazing kite

only to let it go and end up    Letting it go

chasing after it until it is no longer visible.     watching it float away

Sadly, the laws of gravity don't apply to dream kites.

That's why there are so many stars in the sky

they're a representation of dreams that were abandoned.    This last line is explaining the poem. Show not tell.

Revised version

Letting go
of the golden kite,
watching it float away-

So many dreams suspended
in the night sky.

Impossible to reach,
but fun to look at.




The title does not have much relation to the story,
because the metaphor between kites forming stars
is not well explained.

Again, I'm sure you have been told
that line breaks help poems flow better,
so this is how your poem would look
with line breaks.

I'm all about shortenning poems
because words in a poem must all be necessary,
otherwize, it's just filler.

Thanks for the read,
Sc.