Storied Lines(prev untitled) edit

[brynmawr1]

Hello, I think this poem has a clear concept that it emerges from, and its an interesting one.. What are the stories of the tire marks on the road... a sort of indexical mark. I also like the direction the edit went in, the first version felt a little cluttered, that said, id try again! I kind of lost interest when it hit the rhetorical questions in the third and fourth stanza. I think the first version of the poem has enough interesting images for a poem, just a matter of where to trim. There is something epic about the writting? Epic may not be the right word, but it reminds me of lyrics in a Metal song. It could be cool, but it also could obfuscate. Just my two cents of course.  I could read a whole poem just describing the patterns of tire marks on the road. The opening stanza is my favorite. 

Black, crisscrossed scars on white concrete,
occult geometry of intersected lives. I like these opening lines, its an interesting point of view. If I nitpick, I feel the opening line could do with one less adjective.... maybe you could omit white. I get the image of occult geometry, but feel "occult" isn't the strongest word here, I don't have a follow up suggestion .... something more evocative
 
Tire squeals echoing in the ether
find my gut. great line

Was metal, bone rent and broken?
Futures shattered, lives inflected?
 
Or was the violence only of words? Slightly awkward syntax 
Impotent curses spluttered from clenched jaws. 
 
Black lines on the road
keep their secrets.

Black, crisscross lines scar the white concrete,
arranged in unnatural angles of violence.
Geometric evidence of lives intersected.

Squealing tires echoing in the ether,
not heard by the living, still felt in the gut.
Was metal, bone rent and broken;
lives shattered with the windshield,
a mosaic of infinite shimmering shards,
suspended in stopped time, an inflection,
never to be the same?
 
Or was the violence only of words?
Curses made at each other and the universe,
the anger of inconvenience.
Plans made the only thing broken.
 
Black crisscrossed lines on the road
keep their secrets,
leaving us to wonder.

Most recent edit.  I like both versions.  Stark vs elaborate.

Hi Miley,
Thanks again for stopping by to read and comment.  I see what you mean about the rhetorical questions being a bit much.  I'll take another look and try to rework it.
best,
bryn