02-23-2023, 05:56 AM
Hi degrees-
Spicy little piece. Some in-line comments, below:
Origin of Spice hmm?? This title ain't working for me. Maybe something like 'Discovering Fire' ??
Something primitive,
almost necessary, about eating maybe 'almost nesessary' ?? My being a spice wuss led me to that suggestion.
chilli pepper
jalapeños, Serranos
touching tongues,
other parts— a bit too vague for my taste (sorry for that punishment). I just think that mentioning another body part/parts would make things even more interesting. Maybe something about lips would work: 'singeing tongues' 'burning lips'- phrases that "activate" that desire to tear off, to run wild.
makes you want to tear off 'tear off' could give a double meaning to 'tear' ('tear off/run off' since the running part immediately follows the tearing part)
clothes, run naked through
rows-and-rows of October corn
This one seems pretty well seasoned, so I'm not sure what crtique/guidance you're seeking, other than, perhaps, the title.
Thanks for posting it,
Mark
Spicy little piece. Some in-line comments, below:
Origin of Spice hmm?? This title ain't working for me. Maybe something like 'Discovering Fire' ??
Something primitive,
almost necessary, about eating maybe 'almost nesessary' ?? My being a spice wuss led me to that suggestion.
chilli pepper
jalapeños, Serranos
touching tongues,
other parts— a bit too vague for my taste (sorry for that punishment). I just think that mentioning another body part/parts would make things even more interesting. Maybe something about lips would work: 'singeing tongues' 'burning lips'- phrases that "activate" that desire to tear off, to run wild.
makes you want to tear off 'tear off' could give a double meaning to 'tear' ('tear off/run off' since the running part immediately follows the tearing part)
clothes, run naked through
rows-and-rows of October corn
This one seems pretty well seasoned, so I'm not sure what crtique/guidance you're seeking, other than, perhaps, the title.
Thanks for posting it,
Mark