Getting ready for the show

[busker]

Peonies explode
in slow-motion on green stems-
fireworks bursting white.

Peonies rising
upon green stems, slow-motion
fireworks bursting white.

I think the ‘on green stems’ lengthens L2, taking away the punch from L3
Also, green and white are not contrasting colours, and the green distracts. There’s too much going on.
Removing the ‘on green stems’ would serve to improve  IMO

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Ah. Now I see.
The ‘green stems’ in the original, with the ‘rising’ bit, made sense

Why not

Peonies rising
slow motion on green stems
Etc