05-31-2023, 02:14 AM
Hi Steve-
That title has got to go, brother. It screwed the whole thing up for me.
The haiku/senryu is okay by me except for that word 'anxious'- it just doesn't seem to fit in, especially with 'lullabies' in such close proximity. I get it when I read the spoiler, but you do know, of course, that explaining is cheating.
For me, the sounds from the first 2 lines are delicious.
I'd suggest an 'L' word in place of 'anxious'. These short ones are so much 'fun', right?
Thanks,
Mark
That title has got to go, brother. It screwed the whole thing up for me.
The haiku/senryu is okay by me except for that word 'anxious'- it just doesn't seem to fit in, especially with 'lullabies' in such close proximity. I get it when I read the spoiler, but you do know, of course, that explaining is cheating.
For me, the sounds from the first 2 lines are delicious.
I'd suggest an 'L' word in place of 'anxious'. These short ones are so much 'fun', right?
Thanks,
Mark