06-11-2023, 09:39 PM
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Hi duke,
like the conceit, but maybe it's a bit too short for it's own good? (And 'snagged' is a little lightweight. 'The Watch' ?)
Given what you do in S2, it feels like quite a jump from 'morning' to 'left lying'. Would the 'why' (of you forgetting) add something?
Don't think you need patiently (pretty strongly implied by 'spider' and 'ensnare')
Really like 'sticky time' but could it come after 'schedules and appointment' (and so define them?)
There's something about 'vice versa' that doesn't quite convince, but the idea that time has caught you again is very nice.
Best, Knot
.
Hi duke,
like the conceit, but maybe it's a bit too short for it's own good? (And 'snagged' is a little lightweight. 'The Watch' ?)
Given what you do in S2, it feels like quite a jump from 'morning' to 'left lying'. Would the 'why' (of you forgetting) add something?
Don't think you need patiently (pretty strongly implied by 'spider' and 'ensnare')
Really like 'sticky time' but could it come after 'schedules and appointment' (and so define them?)
There's something about 'vice versa' that doesn't quite convince, but the idea that time has caught you again is very nice.
Best, Knot
.