06-16-2023, 10:17 AM
edit3;
Wristwatch
left lying curled face-down
spider waiting
to entangle in her steely web.
Missed her touch
looped into place
all caught up.
Thanks to all critics for the very fine suggestions and rewrites. In addition to further slimming, I've incorporated the idea of personifying the watch/spider - beloved but hated constant gentle caress on the wrist. "Relentless" considered and rejected; likewise "cosmic" for the web. (What must pre-strap watch men have thought of having time chained across their bellies, costlier than an iPhone?)
Wristwatch
left lying curled face-down
spider waiting
to entangle in her steely web.
Missed her touch
looped into place
all caught up.
Thanks to all critics for the very fine suggestions and rewrites. In addition to further slimming, I've incorporated the idea of personifying the watch/spider - beloved but hated constant gentle caress on the wrist. "Relentless" considered and rejected; likewise "cosmic" for the web. (What must pre-strap watch men have thought of having time chained across their bellies, costlier than an iPhone?)
Non-practicing atheist