07-12-2023, 02:01 AM
Thanks for your thoughts everyone, I agree with most of your critiques Tqb and Bryn, and enjoyed rowens interpretation.
I made an edit, I think budding flower in s1 retains the colour of the rainbow line while being more grounded. It also keeps the smell aspect of breathing through the nose which was cut.
I still do not love the ending, I think the change says the same thing in a slightly better way but is still flawed. I think I might try something more like Bryn's suggestion as that ending thought may be somewhat self-evident.
I made an edit, I think budding flower in s1 retains the colour of the rainbow line while being more grounded. It also keeps the smell aspect of breathing through the nose which was cut.
I still do not love the ending, I think the change says the same thing in a slightly better way but is still flawed. I think I might try something more like Bryn's suggestion as that ending thought may be somewhat self-evident.