Open Field - Edit 1
#6
(07-10-2023, 04:33 AM)Wjames Wrote:  White pasture lambs
lie with closed eyes
in damp morning grass,
breathing fresh spring
and budding flower.

They rise without finesse,
tottering towards the shepherd
with legs wide apart,
navigating the earth 
with care for each step.
Hello again,

I like the edit.  Not sure what you are looking for in a last line.  "with uncertainty in each step" occurred to me, although "tottering" does already imply that.

I don't think every poem needs an earthshaking last line.  A simple ending is not a sin.

TqB
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Messages In This Thread
Open Field - Edit 1 - by Wjames - 07-10-2023, 04:33 AM
RE: Open Field - by rowens - 07-11-2023, 05:59 AM
RE: Open Field - by TranquillityBase - 07-11-2023, 06:51 AM
RE: Open Field - by brynmawr1 - 07-11-2023, 12:32 PM
RE: Open Field - Edit 1 - by Wjames - 07-12-2023, 02:01 AM
RE: Open Field - Edit 1 - by TranquillityBase - 07-12-2023, 09:58 PM
RE: Open Field - Edit 1 - by Wjames - 07-18-2023, 01:27 AM
RE: Open Field - Edit 1 - by Lizzie - 08-03-2023, 07:38 AM
RE: Open Field - Edit 1 - by Wjames - 08-03-2023, 08:52 AM



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