08-23-2023, 05:15 AM
Mark,
The piece is written very simply, which isn't bad at all, but I think the image borders very closely on cliche. A relationship being compared to a road or path. I think what saves the poem is how it explores the comparison, but I'm not too sure if it's explored enough. I guess in the end I'm wishing for a clearer image to balance out the commonness of its premise.
AR
The piece is written very simply, which isn't bad at all, but I think the image borders very closely on cliche. A relationship being compared to a road or path. I think what saves the poem is how it explores the comparison, but I'm not too sure if it's explored enough. I guess in the end I'm wishing for a clearer image to balance out the commonness of its premise.
(01-19-2023, 06:52 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: Passing Through With YouBest,
Some flowers don't smell pretty,
but bees don't seem to mind. love this observation and how it deepens the flowers/days comparison
Some days weren’t pretty either- I typically do a triple dash for an em dash
let's leave those all behind.
The road ahead now shortens,
so what else can we find?
Inevitably, flowers-
will they be yours, or mine? I'm actually not too sure what this question is asking if flowers were being compared to days spent together. I don't believe I'm stretching the simile too much since the poem is pretty short.
AR