Lost

[dukealien]

Lost


Always   not to overthink, but is "[A]lways" the best way to start when you're going to rotate through the times of day?
            the broad light pushing
apart our
            shining dome of sky, ringing
vertigo of curving
            horizon; suffered my eyes  perhaps "deafened" to go with "din?"  (And, incidentally, fit with "Dim" below.)
in its din of bright.
 
Dim of dusk
            is where I find you
at the end, what
            is there but night
its promise
            holding close, hands
cupped round
            not to smother
but to banish those
            hobgoblins of day  nice contrast, hobgoblins being normally (?) creatures of darkness
beyond a campfire’s ring.   
 

Let the thick dark fall,
            earthen and wet  "earthen" is nice - on the shading side of the planet
to blanket us in
            a simple child’s fort
lit, now within
            my sky the blurred blue  good, appropriate use of "the"
of your eyes, my horizon
            the curve of your smile but could another word serve her instead?
everything now
            as close as a kiss.  good alliteration
 

How we laugh
            at the parallax,
the shifting perspective
            between
camera one and camera two;
            Time fumbling  lower case "t," I think - Time is not being personified in the rest of the phrase, is It?
about having lost our knowing
            hands still finding
their own way.
 
Scant the warning; that tingle  "the" feels dated here - "our," perhaps?
            on the nape
of the horizon.  Dawn gathering on  "gathers," perhaps, even "gathers low"
            its haunches, hungry
for dreams, again
            dying  bringing "on" up to the end of this line might be interesting
on tomorrow’s brightening lips.

See above for a few suggestions.  This is generally pleasant and the halting (in a good way) line breaks and serried margins are effective.

I have a little trouble with the campfire's ring.  I see the conventional ring/circle of stones immediately around the fire but I think you mean the boundary where its light fades.  But I have no suggestion for a replacement - "disk" and "circle" won't do.

Nicely done.