08-11-2024, 09:01 PM
I also have a hard time following "sickened the soul out of mine" part. I don't readily understand how a soul can be sickeded out of someones eyes.
The first two parts are a nice set up for something though.
Heights of the world... i immediately recognize this as a metaphor and fear of heights. Those join together well to set a mood and a scene of how 'you' feel and what kind of charachter 'you' have.
But the terror in your eyes.. this part gets juicy, you've introduced a 2nd person which I for some reason immediately thought of as a love interest. Perhaps because we look into loved ones eyes, and right away I have a question of "what are they terrified of?" Because it's offscreen. Terror is a very strong word that juxtaposes the previous verses claim of bravery of the narrarator. So i really like that..
But then we are left hanging a bit with "this is how your look affected me" in a verse thats hard to understand. Sickened the soul out of mine (eyes).
Just my very green 2 cents.
The first two parts are a nice set up for something though.
Heights of the world... i immediately recognize this as a metaphor and fear of heights. Those join together well to set a mood and a scene of how 'you' feel and what kind of charachter 'you' have.
But the terror in your eyes.. this part gets juicy, you've introduced a 2nd person which I for some reason immediately thought of as a love interest. Perhaps because we look into loved ones eyes, and right away I have a question of "what are they terrified of?" Because it's offscreen. Terror is a very strong word that juxtaposes the previous verses claim of bravery of the narrarator. So i really like that..
But then we are left hanging a bit with "this is how your look affected me" in a verse thats hard to understand. Sickened the soul out of mine (eyes).
Just my very green 2 cents.