09-24-2024, 08:24 PM
Hey busker- comments below:
Dreams another title ??
The poet told
of love in reams ??
with fingers cold
come autumn. Trees
leak colours bold 'leached' seems too harsh for this one
in tannin streams. suggest 'in' to maintain syllable count
As leaves turn gold suggest maintining present tense. Strike 'their' to maintain 4 syllables
I'm growing old
Present tense would make this one more immediate for me.
The 4 syllable/line structure could be maintained with a bit more thought.
These short ones are always the trouble makers, aren't they.
Dreams another title ??
The poet told
of love in reams ??
with fingers cold
come autumn. Trees
leak colours bold 'leached' seems too harsh for this one
in tannin streams. suggest 'in' to maintain syllable count
As leaves turn gold suggest maintining present tense. Strike 'their' to maintain 4 syllables
I'm growing old
Present tense would make this one more immediate for me.
The 4 syllable/line structure could be maintained with a bit more thought.
These short ones are always the trouble makers, aren't they.