09-26-2024, 10:07 PM
Perhaps if you made more sentences with punctuation it would give the effect of someone fighting something. Something like.
Hey this is good, I'm glad it got resuscitated.
I like how it leads one way before a sinister twist. With that in mind, another crit would be to change the title because as well as being used in the poem it also has a slight sinister element to it which needs to be kept hidden right until the end. Something more lullabyesque would be appropriately disarming.
Hope you come back one day to read this.
(11-15-2022, 02:50 AM)Semicircle Wrote: My eyes are stinging.
Sleep will take me soon.
It's my choice to rest.
I could stay awake .
If I wanted to.
Yet.
I'm tired,
and there is no use in fighting anymore
as I am dragged unconscious
across the forest floor.
Hey this is good, I'm glad it got resuscitated.
I like how it leads one way before a sinister twist. With that in mind, another crit would be to change the title because as well as being used in the poem it also has a slight sinister element to it which needs to be kept hidden right until the end. Something more lullabyesque would be appropriately disarming.
Hope you come back one day to read this.
wae aye man ye radgie