Hands I Never Held

[alexhenning]

*TW - Slight reverences to; Self-harm, Addiction*

I just finished this piece today and was hoping to get some feedback on it. My inspiration for writing it was two fold; the fear of getting hurt by someone, thus not even trying to find love in a romantic relationship. As well as, the self-destructive behaviors that we can sometimes fall into while in the midst of depression, addiction, anxiety, etc. which in-turn prevent us from being able to form/maintain romantic relationships in our lives, even though we might long for them. Thanks for checking it out, I'd love to hear what you think.

I chased a light, through the broken
Skies, full of my darkest shades
My wrists, a map of that which I
Lost, mistakes emptily made

Each path taken, draped with fog
Blurring the lines I never drew
Between who I hoped to be
And the girl, whom I never knew

Standing there, love, like an open door
While I was occupied, chasing highs
Too busy nursing, numbing my pain
To see the intentions in her eyes

I burnt down all her bridges, thought
It would finally set me free
That freedom, just a barrier
Keeping her far away from me

I longed for love, or so I thought
Though, what I craved was much, much more
Anything to fill this void, in
Me, where false promises fell short

Depression held my trembling hands, the
Puppet master, pulling my strings
Each time she called my name, I was
Busy, with self-destructive things

Too hollow when she reached for me
Too numb to feel that she was there
Too far down in my own spiral
To know she genuinely cared

Feared getting hurt, and still do now
I might break before I heal, if
I keep pushing any love away
My heart will be forever sealed

Although I wished for love's embrace
I chose safety, not risking pain
I am vacant, I am void, yes
This is my fault, I am to blame

Now all that's left, are the ghosts of
Love, it's hands, which I've never known
Traded it all for nothing, now
In the night I shiver, so cold