Static

[CRNDLSM]

Static

The static in my mind is constant,
Always a reminder
Of the clarity others feel— not sure how much clarity others feel, is static clear in a way? Or is it a distraction
Their ability to listen while I try to conceal
The fact that information goes in one ear
And out the other. They're listening to you not listening but trying to listen, are they talking or they static as well like you 
I’m always in,
Always out,
Trying to keep my brain from shorting out.
Out and out...
It’s relentless.

I sit ready to learn;
This time will be different.
Again, I feel my stomach churn
At the realization
That my imagination
Won.

“Get up, Carah. Get shit done.
Your house won’t clean itself.”
It’s a brick wall
Standing in my way,
As if to say, “Just wait…
Wait another day.”
This is starting to remind me of 90s rap
The static in my mind is constant.
Always there,
Pushing away the rest,
Like an unwanted guest
Hijacking my consciousness,
Controlling me.

I try to regain
My stubborn brain,
Grab it with both hands
and wrestle it to the ground,
But I am weak;
My confidence is bleak.

“Just work harder, Carah.
Listen.
Just make it your mission.”make it your mission to listen? Or work harder, or work harder at listening 
But without conscious volition,
I fade away.

Fade into that place
Where fantasy takes up space,
Inspiration takes hold,
Questions unfold,
And creativity is bold.
That addictive daze,
That unconscious haze,
So bright and vividly burning.

Then—
Snap!

I’m back,
Back to the shame,
The frustration with my brain,
The relentless blame.

“It’s your fault, Carah. Is this the same person saying listen and work harder and get shit done or is this you telling yourself, and i don't know what happened for there to be blame and fault other than maybe someone told you something important and you didn't retain it which led to dire consequences.  
Just focus.”

It sounds like you're having fun describing a frustrating characteristic of yourself.  I think it would have a bigger payoff showing us the consequences.  I want to put it to a beat.  Thanks for sharing