11-17-2024, 09:20 PM
Nicely done. Excellent narrative with vivid imagery simply presented.
I thought the “…fiery maple” was a bit of a cliché and wonder if something more uniquely yours wouldn’t give the poem even more of its compelling flavor.
I though your previous version of “been extinguished” fit better than “become extinguished”. Especially since the “fiery” in your first line links to a fire being extinguished.
I thought your ending was intriguing, surprising and a perfect fit for the mood of the poem.
I thought the “…fiery maple” was a bit of a cliché and wonder if something more uniquely yours wouldn’t give the poem even more of its compelling flavor.
I though your previous version of “been extinguished” fit better than “become extinguished”. Especially since the “fiery” in your first line links to a fire being extinguished.
I thought your ending was intriguing, surprising and a perfect fit for the mood of the poem.