Nothing but net
#2
Yeah, my Britishness got me on this one again. But I got there in the end.

(11-23-2024, 01:49 PM)Gerryswo Wrote:  NOTHING BUT NET  - after googling this I'm inclined to say it's a cliché. it is well referenced  

If you listened
you could almost hear the ball - these opening lines seem awkward. If you can almost hear something then you can't hear it. So to listen for something that you can't hear is kind of redundant. 
To be honest I would argue that you could hear a ball moving through the air if you listened closely, so you could remove 'almost'??? Your call
as it arched through the night,
silhouetted against the white light,
followed by a swish as it was constrained
briefly by the net       - do you need this? is it implied? or even 'swish of the net'
before thumping against the hard black surface. - 'hard black surface' got me here.. 'asphalt' 
Then the heaving grunt of exertion,
the singular slap of rubber on tar,   
the silence,
the silence,
the thud of leather against a ring of iron.
The silence.
The repetition.  - don't really need all these articles
Finally, the boy, not even breathing hard,
walks ing past the light
into the night,
thankful for the short time when he could forget,
not ready to go home yet,
reaching into his pocket for a cigarette.
I like the poem although I'm not sure if I'm getting the whole story, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Escapism through basketball. I find the cigarette line intriguing.

Cheers for the read
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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Messages In This Thread
Nothing but net - by Gerryswo - 11-23-2024, 01:49 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by Magpie - 11-23-2024, 06:21 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by Gerryswo - 11-23-2024, 11:13 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by Valerie Please - 11-23-2024, 11:03 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by Magpie - 11-24-2024, 03:47 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Gerryswo - 11-24-2024, 05:47 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Magpie - 12-02-2024, 11:52 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by Gerryswo - 12-04-2024, 01:38 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Magpie - 12-04-2024, 05:07 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Magpie - 12-03-2024, 08:34 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by rowens - 12-04-2024, 11:45 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Gerryswo - 12-05-2024, 12:55 PM
RE: Nothing but net - by rowens - 12-06-2024, 01:50 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by IkeAntic - 12-08-2024, 03:27 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Gerryswo - 12-10-2024, 08:36 AM
RE: Nothing but net - by Magpie - 12-12-2024, 11:37 PM



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