Nothing but net

[Gerryswo]

Thank you for your excellent critique. I agree the opening needs some work.
Shame on me for digging harder for "asphalt" For the life of me I couldn't come up with that word, though it was that or something like it that I wanted. "constrained by net" was a bit wordy.
Godd points to consider.

Yeah, my Britishness got me on this one again. But I got there in the end.

NOTHING BUT NET  - after googling this I'm inclined to say it's a cliché. it is well referenced  

If you listened
you could almost hear the ball - these opening lines seem awkward. If you can almost hear something then you can't hear it. So to listen for something that you can't hear is kind of redundant. 
To be honest I would argue that you could hear a ball moving through the air if you listened closely, so you could remove 'almost'??? Your call
as it arched through the night,
silhouetted against the white light,
followed by a swish as it was constrained
briefly by the net       - do you need this? is it implied? or even 'swish of the net'
before thumping against the hard black surface. - 'hard black surface' got me here.. 'asphalt' 
Then the heaving grunt of exertion,
the singular slap of rubber on tar,   
the silence,
the silence,
the thud of leather against a ring of iron.
The silence.
The repetition.  - don't really need all these articles
Finally, the boy, not even breathing hard,
walks ing past the light
into the night,
thankful for the short time when he could forget,
not ready to go home yet,
reaching into his pocket for a cigarette.

I like the poem although I'm not sure if I'm getting the whole story, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Escapism through basketball. I find the cigarette line intriguing.

Cheers for the read

---

Thank you for your insightful critique.
Show, don't tell. I've mentioned that to others in my critiques. I need to take my own advice.
Better descriptive passages. I agree. Useful tools for an edit.

FFS, Magpie . . . after your British, google-aided analysis, I feel I have to step in and give the poem the correct read. 

An American read. 

Gerryswo, here you go:

NOTHING BUT NET (For our soccer-loving cousins, this means that someone is hugely successful . . . I like it as a contrast to the rest of the depiction of the poem. Ignore the people who don't get this reference immediately and keep it.)

If you listened
you could almost hear the ball
as it arched through the night,
silhouetted against the white light,
followed by a swish as it was constrained
briefly by the net
before thumping against the hard black surface. -OK after dragging MP, I'm going to agree with some of his analysis. I like the first line "If you listened" because the central figure of this poem doesn't seem to be anyone of consequence. So the line "if you listened" is a great place to start IMO, because it indicts the readers as part of an uncaring world. But MP is right, instead of saying "almost hear" why not use another sonic device? "The whispered arc of the ball" or something like that. This poem wants to play with sound and rhythm. Why not lean into that and do it?


Then the heaving grunt of exertion,
the singular slap of rubber on tar,
the silence,
the silence,
the thud of leather against a ring of iron.
The silence.
The repetition.
Basketball is all about rhythm and you're on the verge of bringing the sound of it into the poem. But instead of saying "the repetition" make it repetitive. Don't tell me, bring me there. "The grunt, slap, thud, slap-slap-slap swish." And the detail of the tar makes me feel like it's an outdoor court. Is there that echo effect off buildings? The white light you mentioned above, is it a street light? Is it buzzing? Exploit the sensory details.

Finally, the boy, not even breathing hard, Can we make this line smoother and more descriptive? "The boy, breathing easy, saunters past the light"
walking past the light
into the night,
thankful for the short time when he could forget, The poem turns on this line, this is where we go from success to reality. Can we make it less cliche? Maybe make it a turn around of expectations "remembering that he wanted to forget"
not ready to go home yet,
reaching into his pocket for a cigarette. Touchdown. 

Thanks for a read, I'd be interested to see what you do with it.

xo,
Val