Unconscious

[spencedude75]

Ok. I very much like the form and language. My main critique, here, is the cadence. I feel it is a bit too staccato which is incongruent with the dreamy *vibe* you're going for. Maybe try and string together some of the short sentences with a contraction or with the form (enjambment, maybe?).  Also, I get that the ending is supposed to be ambiguous, but I wish that there was a little more to chew on there, besides the dark implication. 
Hope this is helpful.