Theia's Shadow draft 2

[alonso ramoran]

Well hello Alonso- been a while, so it's good to read you again!

I expected your
denial, the moon behind the clouds. 
On the shore,
we danced around the fire, crying
nothing else but liberation, liberation,
in a language that
dissolved into
the dawn chorus.

For me, the poem comes down to the part I've extracted, and is stronger without the middle stanzas. I guess I just prefer shorter poems. There is nothing wrong with those middle sections, and they do contain well defined images, yet I think they dilute the message of loss. At least I read it as loss.

That said, I really like this phrase:
winter is only the distant sun
allowing space to dream

It seems that there are several poems layered within this one, and I'd like to see some other replies that may alter my interpretation.

Anywho-welcome back,
Mark

Hi Mark,

Nice hearing from you again. I took a little break but I don't know how long I'll be back. I haven't had a lot of inspiration for poetry recently and my writing discipline has been in the shitter. So we shall see xD

I think it's fair to read the poem as a meditation on loss. It started as a shorter piece, and I would've preferred it remain a shorter piece, but it just got longer the more I thought about how I could tie it up at the end and give it more flow. The rework you suggested omits some details that I believe are vital, such as the penultimate stanza leading up to the last image and line. I will see how I can pare it down.

Thank you,
AR