Unconscious

[Quicksilver]

My eyes are stinging,
sleep will take me soon.

It's my choice to rest, I could stay awake
if I wanted to. Yet I'm tired, and there is
no use in fighting anymore

as I am dragged unconscious
across the forest floor.

"sleep will take me soon" seems to be slightly off cadence to my inner voice. If that first part is meant to be more rhythmic/metered, it may be worth adding or dropping a syllable or two. You could also utilize a similar style to the rest of the piece by using the creative line breaks to disrupt the rhythm. Only the first stanza has two full phrases split out by lines.

I love the line breaks in the second stanza. It combines really nicely with the punctuation to make the piece feel more dynamic and provide an overall sense of meter. 

That last line image is interesting, though a bit abrupt. I feel as though I'm missing something as far as what this is meant to be depicting. It certainly succeeds in catching a reader off guard. My personal immediate assumption is the perspective of someone/some creature that has been attacked?? Unclear, but it is very intriguing in the urgency and lack of clarity. 

In regards to my initial comments, I can also see this initial stanza versus the others as a decreasing clarity of thought on the part of the subject, but I'm not sure. 

Overall a very interesting piece! You provide a lot of impact and it draws me in with curiosity as to what is going on!

Cheers,

Quicksilver