Solitary

[carahmellow]

Hi Carahmellow,

I never know when people post in non-critique forums how much commentary they want.  So I just do it anyway.  I enjoyed your piece.  Some might find it a little on the telling side of showing, but I think in this context it is a stylistic decision that works for me.  Namely as a poem based on internal dialogue of reflection.  I do think that there could be some tightening of language that wouldn't hinder the conversational tone too much.  So if you are doing rewrites  I would recommend making S4 one sentence and punctuate accordingly.  Also L2 in S5 should be cut, IMO (too on the nose) and then rework the stanza to build into the metaphor of the wedge which offers a nice ending.  Another high point is the rhyme scheme.  It's consistent and very subtle but adds to the internal rhythm of the piece.  I hope you find these comments helpful.  If not, ignore away!
Thanks for the read,
Bryn

Thank you so much for all of this. I share my work here because I want people to read and enjoy it, but also to critique it if and when they feel inclined. My goal is not to pressure anyone—I want feedback to come naturally. Whether it’s a small observation or a more in-depth critique, I appreciate it all. So, truly, thank you!