02-12-2025, 08:41 PM
Hi all thanks for your feedback.
I suppose the poem is a bit nebulous.
It's supposed to be about queer bodies (fascination/repulsion/dissection/attraction) - maybe I need to change the title to a queer display or something.
The skull lumpy is a reference to phrenology, a finger too long - reference to old stories about telltale signs.
The wires are also meant to act as metaphor, with the words chamber and cells having double meanings (bedroom/jail cell).
As is the latex (gloves or condoms).
Stain and fix brain are also both meant to have double meanings (your stain - it is 'you/someone else' who has stained the body either morally or with a pathologist's stain. Fix the brain i.e. physically fix it with fixatives as per anatomy, or fix it, as in, correct it's function).
I understand the rhyme might not be to everyone's taste but I like how it reaches that point towards the end.
Thanks for the advice on refining certain lines - will redraft soon and try to improve.
I suppose the poem is a bit nebulous.
It's supposed to be about queer bodies (fascination/repulsion/dissection/attraction) - maybe I need to change the title to a queer display or something.
The skull lumpy is a reference to phrenology, a finger too long - reference to old stories about telltale signs.
The wires are also meant to act as metaphor, with the words chamber and cells having double meanings (bedroom/jail cell).
As is the latex (gloves or condoms).
Stain and fix brain are also both meant to have double meanings (your stain - it is 'you/someone else' who has stained the body either morally or with a pathologist's stain. Fix the brain i.e. physically fix it with fixatives as per anatomy, or fix it, as in, correct it's function).
I understand the rhyme might not be to everyone's taste but I like how it reaches that point towards the end.
Thanks for the advice on refining certain lines - will redraft soon and try to improve.