Addiction (edit and title change)

[alonso ramoran]

brynmawr1,

This is a fine piece. A few tweaks could be made here and there, but I think they'd be mostly optional.

Addiction
 
From the first thrust, 
that sinking in, heavier,
already feeling like more. simple and effective line. "more" meaning the N wants more or is feeling the high
I love it, marveling
how swiftly
the world can be remade
small.  I’m now a cloud
at the whimsy of the wind, or 
reimagined from below, 
a dragon, flying above
the mediocrity of living
leveled and weightless, i feel like "leveled and weightless" is describing the N's current state but the way it is written reads like the N is describing sobriety as "living leveled and weightless". Perhaps they view sober people as people without these worries that can force others to turn to drugs, so they're leveled and weightless.
slipping frictionless; below
myriad greens and browns
offer a simple lattice of clarity, If detail has been diluted, then what type of clarity does the N speak of? Could another verb like "form" replace "offer"?
detail diluted by distance nice d and l sounds and good phrasing
enlightens my world.
 
Let me tell you how it slows. The N addresses the audience directly, which I feel places the audience in some support group setting
A slight leaning forward
felt at the hips, then the descent
castrating clouds until "castrating" is interesting, possibly referring to the male N and the energy sapped from him as a "cloud"
stuttering I’m tethered again
by the monotonous gravity, "monotonous" is not scratching the right itch for me. I was thinking something along the lines of "relentless"?
the mendacity of the taxi
 
to the gate where waits my wife, 
my children’s arms.  How I love

to fly. I think you stuck the landing. Nice finish.

Flying High
 
From the first thrust, 
that sinking in
already feeling like more
I love it, marveling 
how swiftly
the world can be remade
small, now a cloud
at the whimsy of the wind, or
reimagined from below,
a dragon, flying above
the mediocrity of living
leveled and weightless,
slipping frictionless; below
myriad greens and browns
offer a simple lattice of clarity,
detail diluted by distance my world 
enlightened.
 
Should you know how it slows?
A slight leaning
forward at the hips, then
a decent that castrates the clouds 
until the stuttering of the tether 
and the mendacity of the taxi 
 
waiting at the gate my wife,
my children’s arms. How I love
 
to fly.