03-20-2025, 11:43 AM 
	
	
	(03-15-2025, 06:07 AM)alonso ramoran Wrote: What use does memory possess, possess is an interesting word choice. not sure the comma is neededHey AR,
before retiring in this bed of matter, to?
beyond directing the dispersal of perception not sure what is meant here
into another dream ...forgotten dream?
to be forgotten?
All the remembering
was never meant to capture I think this part would be better phrased as a question.
waves, our belly laughter, the palm fronds waves, I think, is a vague image/idea. Our belly laughter is better, but the palm fronds again less impactful (needs some sensory detail)
brushing against each other, yet I've built maybe, ...yet I build. I now am not confident of my interpretation. See comments below.
towers and boulevards and monuments
in the name of names
I can't remember. could maybe move this line up.
By evening, after move 'the violence' up
the violence of questioning
existence, like men
limping with sin through wasteland,
last questions still remain. not sure about what is going on in this stanza relative to the previous
Are dreams real, too, in the sense
that they occurred? Like how extinct
and extant lights of space kindled myths? extinct and extant are opposites, but maybe that is your point? I like the kindled myths idea
Was the distance ever out of reach? between dreams and reality?
Perhaps it has already been traveled
and the glittering expanse above
is only what is behind.
I have been pondering your poem for awhile. I like the exploratory tone which allows it to avoid the preachy trap. For me it has a surreal component which, I admit, is not my strong suit. Never the less, I have made several comments/suggestions above. S2 was a sticking point for me because there seemed to be a personal emotional connection starting, but that seemed to be lost by the end of the stanza. Specifically, my interpretation is that the narrator laments wasted efforts of remembering supposed heroes at the expense of more important and personal memories, but then that idea doesn't continue and I wished it was. My selfish wish is that you continue the ideas I construed in S2 throughout the rest of the poem.
Take care,
bryn

 

 
