03-24-2025, 12:17 PM
You made me a specter
knowing nothing
about my fears and troubles
yet you talk with certainty
about how I haunt your reality;
the other, outsider, how I am
corruption. The losing battle
of accepting me within your normalcy
never letting yourself hear
my wants, my dreams;
how they are yours,
how you never cared to know.
Am I the monster you fear?
Hi Violet,
forgive me, but I have distilled your original to my interpretation. I mostly used your own words, just rearranged. It's not that you didn't have good lines in the parts that I didn't include, i just think this is the essence of the poem. Particularly the last line. I also tried to use some enjambment to provide some additional meaning/emphasis. I think one thing that is important is that the poem is generalized to anyone that feels estranged from society. Don't be afraid to leave something on the table. Trust your readers to get the implied. I I also wanted to say that your poem is very mature but avoid being too direct. My comments are only meant to be an illustration, so edit as you see fit.
Bryn
knowing nothing
about my fears and troubles
yet you talk with certainty
about how I haunt your reality;
the other, outsider, how I am
corruption. The losing battle
of accepting me within your normalcy
never letting yourself hear
my wants, my dreams;
how they are yours,
how you never cared to know.
Am I the monster you fear?
Hi Violet,
forgive me, but I have distilled your original to my interpretation. I mostly used your own words, just rearranged. It's not that you didn't have good lines in the parts that I didn't include, i just think this is the essence of the poem. Particularly the last line. I also tried to use some enjambment to provide some additional meaning/emphasis. I think one thing that is important is that the poem is generalized to anyone that feels estranged from society. Don't be afraid to leave something on the table. Trust your readers to get the implied. I I also wanted to say that your poem is very mature but avoid being too direct. My comments are only meant to be an illustration, so edit as you see fit.
Bryn