Death Interludes Lullabies

[poetry_zealot]

Death Interludes Lullabies



Hush    little baby
                            sleep, now—
                                                   the stars have turned
                                                   their backs to light
oh little breath
                           don’t stray
                                                 too far
                           the dark is softer
              than you fear
no monsters await
                         your dreamless nights
             only
                                                  nothing
                    (you won’t see it)
a blink
             then
                      the world      forgets
you
             this pause
                                      this
                                                     stop—
                                                                 are all that remains
between the seconds
time doesn’t                                                       pass
                                        you do
so sleep, now—
                        and bring your breaths
                                                                        to night
i’ll hold the silence
                                                   ‘til your breath of life

This seems like it could be critiqued a hundred different ways, the first half for me the form works,  but towards the end I can't focus, it's too broken.   But maybe it's supposed to break.  I'm imagining the poem about a baby sleeping, but it's dead, which is kinda morbid but also totally literarily valid material.  Perhaps I dont understand what this poem is saying or what it's about and that could be my fault, maybe the presentation is why I dont understand, or maybe I'm not supposed to understand and dead baby visions are accurate, I have no idea, I'm sorry I can't be more helpful

No worries, it's alright. The thought you've put into this poem clearly shows the care with which you approached this. As for what you've mentioned, I will take it to heart and consider them when editing this piece. Thank you for your time!