04-22-2025, 12:12 AM
Hello zealot-
A poem that starts off describing a lullaby, then devolves into a 'reality check' of sorts.
no monsters await
your dreamless nights I'm quite sure that babies dream. I'm sure I did, but don't remember.
only nothing a blink
then the world forgets you Life passes quickly, then you die, forgotten. Not a very realistic description of what parents wish for their kids.
time doesn’t pass
you do Really? The narrator seems to impart a hopelessness which colors the poem with a fatalistic brush.
In my own experience, I wish the best for babies, even when I know that the hardships of life lie ahead. Being from a large family, I know many parents, and all of them have been more optimistic for their kids than the were for themselves. That bias of mine makes the sentiment of this poem hard for me to accept.
I eliminated the white spaces to see how this would read. For me, those white spaces don't add anything meaningful, except for some hesitance on N's part. In fact, this one has more immediate impact, as it takes a very worrisome turn, without the white spaces. I'm not so sure that you're achieving the intended effect. For me, the form interferes with the poem.
Respectfully,
Mark
A poem that starts off describing a lullaby, then devolves into a 'reality check' of sorts.
no monsters await
your dreamless nights I'm quite sure that babies dream. I'm sure I did, but don't remember.
only nothing a blink
then the world forgets you Life passes quickly, then you die, forgotten. Not a very realistic description of what parents wish for their kids.
time doesn’t pass
you do Really? The narrator seems to impart a hopelessness which colors the poem with a fatalistic brush.
In my own experience, I wish the best for babies, even when I know that the hardships of life lie ahead. Being from a large family, I know many parents, and all of them have been more optimistic for their kids than the were for themselves. That bias of mine makes the sentiment of this poem hard for me to accept.
I eliminated the white spaces to see how this would read. For me, those white spaces don't add anything meaningful, except for some hesitance on N's part. In fact, this one has more immediate impact, as it takes a very worrisome turn, without the white spaces. I'm not so sure that you're achieving the intended effect. For me, the form interferes with the poem.
Respectfully,
Mark