04-24-2025, 11:22 PM
For this to be memorable as a poem, you can use the old devices that uncannily make things affectively novel.
You have symbols-images, Blue, Time, Night, I. You have the theme of addiction and repetition in a night and near liminal space that includes a pressing yet liminal social context.
What can you do?
You can go into the brain fog, find the blue and the night and the friends and the angst there in that realm, and invent imagery and novel connections and musicality and bewitching turns of phrase.
I scold myself again I look at that time and see its night.
I scold myself and look at time and see night.
That line I manipulated is kinda jarring, kinda silly, kinda forced-sounding, yet, with a mood that supports it, given what you do with the lines around it, would be a memorable and potent line.
Things like that.
You have symbols-images, Blue, Time, Night, I. You have the theme of addiction and repetition in a night and near liminal space that includes a pressing yet liminal social context.
What can you do?
You can go into the brain fog, find the blue and the night and the friends and the angst there in that realm, and invent imagery and novel connections and musicality and bewitching turns of phrase.
I scold myself again I look at that time and see its night.
I scold myself and look at time and see night.
That line I manipulated is kinda jarring, kinda silly, kinda forced-sounding, yet, with a mood that supports it, given what you do with the lines around it, would be a memorable and potent line.
Things like that.