04-25-2025, 04:44 AM
(02-23-2025, 04:34 AM)Knitrockbottom Wrote:(01-28-2025, 04:03 AM)Pebbel~Lady Wrote: My knees would be bruised if I dug them into the ground to say my prayers either a line break here, or combine the next two lines so they balance betterJust from the couple of things I've read of yours I feel we write very similarly. I like both your word choices and topics. I think the main thing about this is that it doesn't feel fleshed out or finished. The ending leaves it a little open ended but personally I ask the question, does the character bleed because they love to garden/pray, because they feel the duty to pull weeds/pay penance, or another reason? Is it the contrast of both? I'd love to know a little more about this situation and character in my reading.
How bloodied I would stand if I
picked the weeds from my garden.
Through gnashing teeth
I'd provide the soil with iron and my
flowers would grow
Justify why my blood stains the land
I could say its poetic justice
But maybe its just sin.
**Quickn otes: I literally just thought of this because of how bruised my knees were, and I was feeling flowery.
i wanna add more to this but im not sure what exactly, so id definitely 100% would like some suggestions.
Dionaea is part of the scientific name for Venus fly traps, the full version being Dionaea muscipula.Diona
I did feel as if the meaning was kind of vague before, like you didn't really understand what the character meant, you could get the idea of what she's feeling but its not fleshed out enough. I also broke the first sentence up where bruised is as i do agree its quite jarring put together with the rest of the poem. I hope the edit i made is better than what i had originally, thank you so much for your feedback it really helped me put more thought into this poem. ^*^
keep it shrimple my crustacean nation, living is the most simple thing you can do! Wahoo!!

