Accented in Blue

[Poet-dude-ig]

For this to be memorable as a poem, you can use the old devices that uncannily make things affectively novel.

You have symbols-images, Blue, Time, Night, I. You have the theme of addiction and repetition in a night and near liminal space that includes a pressing yet liminal social context.

What can you do?
You can go into the brain fog, find the blue and the night and the friends and the angst there in that realm, and invent imagery and novel connections and musicality and bewitching turns of phrase.

I scold myself again I look at that time and see its night.

I scold myself and look at time and see night.

That line I manipulated is kinda jarring, kinda silly, kinda forced-sounding, yet, with a mood that supports it, given what you do with the lines around it, would be a memorable and potent line.

Things like that.

 
I definitely agree with Rowens here with the inclusion of imagery, because the current version is very full of internal dialogue and during some points like where you say "one more minute" it's hard to tell if the narrator is telling someone else that or if its more internal dialogue, I think if it is telling another physical person then quotation marks would do it well. I really like the sort of imagery lines Rowen gave, but I thought I'd add a few of my own because I'd really love to see imagery and (atleast I my mind) more ideas are super helpful.

A good connection could be between the will to stop this cycle and the resurgence of addiction through notifications or updates to games or new seasons of a show. 
I substitute my blue with the oceans and the sky, but I never truly last; the tide falls and night vanquishes my blue. My only constant-- the messages and updates and every new episode. So I find solace in my forever blue.