05-14-2025, 03:14 AM
Hi everyone. I'm a painter who is new to poetry, and I would love some feedback. This one draws much from astrology, so I will give a brief explanation. Moon in Pisces (melancholic and empathetic), Sagittarius Sun and Aries Ascendant (both are fire signs concerned with action, movement and pursuit).
Pisces’ defeat
Tepid water won’t
Drown the arrow’s fire any longer
Never ending depths, cave systems
Traps
Pulled the bleat out of the ram’s throat
Sound replaced with the threat
Of death’s bloat
Shooting centaurs and unwavering horns
Set the wet stage ablaze
Build your first house of ashes
You drifted far too long
Under Neptune’s weight - liquid maze
Of past urges, dreams and gashes
Pisces’ defeat
Tepid water won’t
Drown the arrow’s fire any longer
Never ending depths, cave systems
Traps
Pulled the bleat out of the ram’s throat
Sound replaced with the threat
Of death’s bloat
Shooting centaurs and unwavering horns
Set the wet stage ablaze
Build your first house of ashes
You drifted far too long
Under Neptune’s weight - liquid maze
Of past urges, dreams and gashes