05-15-2025, 06:46 PM
My main critique for this is it's largely incoherent. This reads like it was written in reference to such astrological symbols in and of themselves, rather than treating said symbols as part of a larger system of ideas. Really, the symbols have myths attached to them---the fish were those that carried Venus and Cupid to safety during Typhon's attack against the gods, the ram was that which provided Jason the Golden Fleece, etc.---or else they are associated with less abstract phenomena, i.e. the Sun stands by the Ram when flowers begin to bloom, the Archer is in power when the cold begins to settle, and so on. Their supposed astrological meaning is almost incidental (moreso their modern astrological meaning---I believe that, after the likes of Newton and Kepler, a lot of the basic premises of astrology, such as the Sun and Moon being planets in the same way as the rest, begin to unravel, which is why I also strongly dislike the inclusion of "Neptune" here): astrology, as it was practiced for the vast majority of human history, was generally pragmatic, just as much of modern medicine is predicated on such simple practices as washing one's hands or having enough sleep. If this is a poem that is exclusively about astrology, then it needs to have a stronger feel for what astrology as a whole entails, rather than just a few loose associations between its aspects.