05-23-2025, 09:04 AM
This poem is excellent, you have a great handle on depictive imagery, and you did a superb job at invoking a feeling without stating said feeling. The only things I would suggest would be to tweak some lines and either reword them or swap in new words (ex: to our child-hood waifa / another gone glow, child eat the tart.). Maybe drop the rhyme in some areas to enhance language? But honestly, these are only preferences. Even if you leave it untouched, it serves as a great piece of lit.