Coin

[Richard]

Hey Meadz,
I feel like some of the lines here really work and some don't do enough. I'll go into more detail below:

I dipped my hand into the furnace, -I think this line is going for something surreal, but I can't get the literal meaning of this out of my mind and it just doesn't work for me. 
to see if water could ignite the flames. -I like this line, but wish it had a better set up than the previous line.
The infernos licked my burning hand, 
and hungrily sought to swallow me— -I would suggest combining this 2 lines into: "The infernos sought to swallow me," and I further suggest starting the poem with this line. 
whole.

I plunged my foot into the freezer, 
to see if fire could spark the ice. -Maybe change it to "my fire" to create a connection with the fire?
The frostbite licked my numbing foot,
and silently ached to consume me—
hollow.

Heat no longer wanted to be;
it threw me up, forever damned,
flames rising from my deepest shames -I feel like this line is good and should be the payoff for the poem somehow. Establish how the speaker is unwanted by the fire and the cold, but then experiences their own flames of shame because of it. Hope that makes sense.
a casket now serves as my
furnace.

Cold no longer wished to hold;
it tossed me out, forever lost,
ice dripping down my hidden sorrows -This line is good too, but would prefer if the poem ended with the flames of shame line.
a coffin now serves as my
freezer.



Inspired by: Easter Wings, by George Herbert, poetic perpetual motion machine, mirror

Maybe think about pruning this poem down to 2 stanzas, with one about the fires and one about the cold, and then end with the flames from the deepest shames? Just a thought. There's some good stuff here.

Cheers,
Richard