Last Morning at Ballynahinch Castle

[brynmawr1]

Last Morning at Ballynahinch Castle

It’s just me and the morning sun
and a pot of strong coffee among … slice of life, but distracting maybe, worked better in the longer version 
the song of anonymous birds and … “anonymous” is meh will consider alternatives
the fisherman below my terrace
balanced on the bank of the Owenmore
having tied a semblance of hope … too many lines of a similar length. Reads like prose.  guess I hoped the rhythm and some rhyme might negate that.  I can work on the line breaks
to the end of his line, which he floats
over the water to the metronome … unexpected choice of metaphor. Not sure it works.  bummer, I thought it a clever description of fly fishing, maybe the 'lagging heart' bit is too much?
of his lagging heart, again and again
he lays the long snake of his line to drift ….nice 
with the roil unconcerned about what gifts
might rise from these dark waters. … this for me is the standout line in the poem. It’s a great ending, but what comes before doesn’t do it justice.

This isn't the poem I set out to write.  The original was much more ambitious, but I put that aside for a cleaner version.  Maybe someday I'll expand.

Hi Busker,
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.  I'm happy with one good line per poem, well, maybe 1.5 and the rest a good read.  Like I said, this was the tightest part of a larger poem so I thought I would release the single, as it were.  Doesn't bode well for the whole album!  Regarding the prosaic indulgence, I have been shying away from a more lyrical style mostly out of feeling like I over do it sometimes.  And, a lot of the time the form isn't a conscious decision but what the poem morphs into, and this is how it ended up.
Thanks again,
Bryn