07-30-2025, 05:37 AM
Hello, This is my first critique- I will do my best to make it productive.
The imagery here is striking and you create a compelling arc by inserting the stanza of false hope. The flow and cadence seem to support the themes of confusion and trauma, which adds significant value to the emotional experience. I also notice some cyclical metaphors, which are effective in creating the sense that the speaker is trapped in a loop where healing is ever in sight but never fully attained.
I do suggest that you pare down the number of images- particularly in stanzas 1-4. If each stanza has fewer images than the one before, you will be able to incrementally expand on each image. This might culminate in a robust dive into the sensory experience of the “gulch of gulches,” and provide an even greater contrast between it (the gulch of gulches) and what is beyond the “honey door.”
Overall, the poem is rich and packed with symbolism and creates a vivid reading experience. Thank you for sharing!
The imagery here is striking and you create a compelling arc by inserting the stanza of false hope. The flow and cadence seem to support the themes of confusion and trauma, which adds significant value to the emotional experience. I also notice some cyclical metaphors, which are effective in creating the sense that the speaker is trapped in a loop where healing is ever in sight but never fully attained.
I do suggest that you pare down the number of images- particularly in stanzas 1-4. If each stanza has fewer images than the one before, you will be able to incrementally expand on each image. This might culminate in a robust dive into the sensory experience of the “gulch of gulches,” and provide an even greater contrast between it (the gulch of gulches) and what is beyond the “honey door.”
Overall, the poem is rich and packed with symbolism and creates a vivid reading experience. Thank you for sharing!