Leave Like You Be

[Deor Ana Log]

*conscription to succeed*
don’t rest while 

others sleep *

count dollars instead of dreams

become while 

bringing your being *

hoard words instead of fantasy

be trapped in the realm 

of possibility

dry sweat like tear’s out bleed

caravan on valleys

of dusty seed *

pretend every hour is seconds of need 

launch, pull back, only office beat

In heart of hearts never say “please”

*be string tied with invisible screams

100 percent in my sleeve

9 2 5, parasite of me

7 same ∞’s 

Let Me Leave *Please?

The first line makes no sense to me. I don't know what it is saying? Then I see that there is a lot of rhyme, but this quantity of rhyme inevitably and necessarily sets up the expectation/obligation of a sufficient rhythmic unity - that is not subsequently delivered as it is. One expects a rhythmic unity - but is then disappointed by the fact that it is not present.



Conscription to succeed
do not rest while
others sleep
count dollars instead of dreams
become while
bringing being
hoard words
the bread of fantasy
trap the realm
of possibility
dry sweat the tear’s out-bleed
caravan on valley
and dusty seed
pretend the hour a second to need
launch
pull back an office beat
the heart of heart
never say please
string tied
invisible screams
100 percent in my sleeve
9 2 5, parasite be
7 same ∞’s
let me leave please.

I mean - were you speaking this aloud when you wrote it? It does not feel as if you were?

Here is the actual version of the poem, compared to the one that you read

Conscription to succeed 
do not rest while 
others sleep
count dollars instead of dreams
become while
bringing being bringing your being
hoard words
the bread of fantasy instead of fantasy
trap the realm trapped in the realm
of possibility
dry sweat the tear’s out-bleed dry sweat like tear's out bleed
caravan on valley caravan on valleys
and dusty seed
pretend the hour a second to need pretend every hour is seconds of need
launch
pull back an office launch, pull back, only office beat
the heart of heart
never say please In heart of hearts never say “please”
string tied
invisible screams *be string tied with invisible screams
100 percent in my sleeve
9 2 5, parasite be 9 2 5, parasite of me
7 same ∞’s
let me leave please. Let Me Leave *Please?

You miswrote this poem so that is lacks almost all the depth that the original does, is this what saw when you read my poem? Because if it is, you need to look a little bit closer than that to find any meaning whatsoever.