10-01-2025, 06:21 PM
I would agree with the reply above about losing the a in "glimmered a secret light".
I liked the sense of storytelling with "once upon" and then later "in deepest sleep". The close rhyme of time/mine adds to the fairy tale feel. You seem to move from the dreamlike state, to more solid, everyday language in "never thought you'd ever leave" - was this intentional?
Hope this is helpful.
I liked the sense of storytelling with "once upon" and then later "in deepest sleep". The close rhyme of time/mine adds to the fairy tale feel. You seem to move from the dreamlike state, to more solid, everyday language in "never thought you'd ever leave" - was this intentional?
Hope this is helpful.