10-04-2025, 04:36 AM
Okay first of all - great revision! By incorporating different write elements (ex: -), you've made every word important. I love how the poem reveals the twist slowly, molding past and future like seams of fabric. The meaning creeps up on the reader like the past on the narrator. Just brilliant! The only critque I have is that I am to know more about the duality of the past and present in the poem. Is there a clean cutoff between the picturesque days and the cold present, or does time blend together before this poem takes place. Thanks for a great response, looking forward to seeing where you take this piece!