10-07-2025, 03:44 AM
I really enjoy your use of grammar, such as the commas and the double dash you used in the first line, "hollow yet full, heavy--". It gives the poem a good rythmn and flow. I am however not entirely sure your metaphor about rivers and hills makes sense because I don't see why their value is monetary or why it'd decrease over time. I'm also not sure about the intention behind using the words "artificially, superficially" simultaneously when they both mean the same thing. Is it for emphasis? If so then why use a synonym? Is it just a rhyme for the sake of rhyming? Overall, though, I do like the poem, it does a good job of getting across the feeling you wanted to portray.

